So its been a hot minuet since I caught up with my blog. I think there's few reasons for this. Firstly, I have been busy doing that little thing called life! Over the past 9 weeks, I have explored a revolutionary way of living sober and I think its deserves a share. Buckle in, here we go.
In previous attempts to quit the booze, I have made a conscious decision to 'stay away' from anything that might make the process a bit tricky. This means that I would avoid the pub, clubs, social events, parties, meals or anything that would have normally involved alcohol, which for me, was everything. I think I did this because I wanted to shield myself from any potential triggers that may arise. Now I'm not saying this isn't a good idea, everyone is different, but I just wanted to try a different tactic this time round and holy fuck, it has worked.
On this journey, I have actively lived the life I would have before. I wanted to expose myself to the danger zones from day one, to build resilience and strength in those difficult social settings that can lead us to drink. I've taken a few key things away from this process and I want to share them with you. I have realized that booze doesn't make the pub fun, people do. Often, on a Friday after work, I get the urge to go to the pub for a drink. So instead of creating an internal conflict with myself (cognitive dissonance as its formally known) I don't resist the urges to do what my habitual brain is asking. You best believe that if I have a craving to go to the pub, slap $50 in the pokies and have a beer that is EXACTLY what I'm going to . Minus the alcohol. Heineken have a really yummy 0.0% beer that tastes exactly like a beer, because it is, minus the nasty stuff. I have gone to the pub countless times in the past 9 weeks and I'm yet to feel like I am missing out or that I don't 'fit in'. I go to the bar, order my tipple and retreat to the gaming lounge where I gamble and drink just like I used to, except that there are a few notable differences in the order of events. I sit and play, almost always without gambling more money (This almost never happened when I was drinking) I am able to stop when I get a win (if I get a win) and not put the rest back into the machine to have another go. I don't find myself making the excuse to have another drink so I can play some more, or more appropriately play some more so I can have another drink. I order maybe one or two beers and observe the people round about me. Truth is, no one notices that my beer is alcohol free. They just see a girl, playing the pokies with a beer in hand and no one bats an eyelid. My time at the pub is now shorter, swifter, cheaper and better for my health. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate that for some people on the spectrum of alcohol misuse, they couldn't dream of actively putting themselves in this situation but for me, it works.
Another thing that I have noticed is that I can actually PAY ATTENTION to the other things I go to the pub for. Like the UFC. I LOVE the UFC and have always had 'mad Sunday seshes' to go and watch the fights. The truth is, I'm usually too pissed by the time the main card starts to even be interested in what is happening on the screen. Conversations become louder, people start repeating themselves and the whole sporting event is usually background noise while I drink. Fuck, I have been so concerned about the next drink and where its coming from before, that I have gone to the bar and waited there for ages, missing most of the fight that I went there to see. Not to mention the amount of times I have had to go to the loo for a wee, because the beer is going straight through me. I come home from the UFC, always stopping off at the bottle O to get more booze, as the party cant stop when the fight does. It almost always finishes with me in bed, fully clothed with a hangover and anxiety for work the next day.
I DJ in my spare time, something that goes hand in hand with drinking. The past two years, I have been booked to DJ at Mardi Gras and the difference in my experiences is like night and day and not for the reasons that you might think. Last year, I had been drinking all day (it was my hens weekend). I had been drinking for almost 3 days and when the time rolled round for me to get ready and head into the city for my set, I was a mixture of hungover and still pissed from the night before. The only way to combat this, as most drinkers can confirm, is to keep going. So I did, I kept drinking all day. I played my set and it was good, however towards the end, my mixing got a little sloppy. Most people were pissed and didn't notice, though I did. After my set, I continued to drink 'bottomless Proseccos' until I was cut off from the bar (this is pretty standard for me) Deciding that the bar staff knew nothing about my drunkenness, I proceeded to STEAL drinks from tables until I was eventually asked to leave. Yeah, that is the kind of things I do when I'm drunk. Classy!
This year, I decided to drive into the city, to potentially safeguard myself from any slip ups that might occur. I got to the venue, played my set and then drove home. I noticed a few things about extremely drunk people that night.
* Drunk people repeat themselves. ALOT
* Drunk people have ZERO concept of personal space.
* Drunk people shout when you can hear them just fine, as usually, they are all up in your face when they are talking anyway.
* Drunk people tend to spit when they are talking. So not only are they yelling at you, leaning all over you and repeating themselves, but they are actively spraying their words on you too. Its gross!
All of these things were largely eye opening to me, given that I am normally that person. I got in my car, drove to McDonalds and got home. I woke up fresh the next day, and spent a grand total of $12.18 on my Big Mac meal and a coke in the venue. This is a great saving, normally I would have spent the money earned and not even considered it. In addition to this, I had to navigate my way around people buying me drinks. This usually goes something like this..
"What can I get you to drink?" - Nothing thanks I don't drink.
"What? WHY?" - I just don't drink alcohol, thanks for the offer though ill have a non alcoholic beer if your offering.
"Non alcoholic beer? If I'm getting you a drink, I'm not getting you that, let me buy you a PROPER drink" - Its ok, thanks anyway.
"What kind of DJ doesn't drink?" - The sober kind.
Its true, people can treat you like a monster with 6 heads if you decline a boozy beverage and it astounds me. Some people seem to have more of a problem with me not drinking than they do with their own drinking. I'm starting to realize that this is because society has made drinking such a normal thing, that it strikes people as odd that you don't do it. If alcohol was viewed as a drug (which it is) surely people wouldn't treat you like a leper for declining? If heroin was socially acceptable like alcohol, do you think that people would question you for not taking a hit? Would there be bars offering 'buy one get one free on shots of smack?' The answer is no, probably not.
Alcohol kills more people in a year that all other drugs COMBINED. Lets say that again so it sinks in a little better. ALCOHOL KILLS MORE POEPLE A YEAR THAT ALL OTHER DRUGS COMBINED. How can a drug that does that, be so readily available to people? That we can buy this attractively packaged poison over the counter from almost anywhere in the country? Alcohol is known carcinogenic and has been declared such for years. It causes 7 types of cancer and there is no safe amount of alcohol intake to protect you from this. In 2020 36% of alcohol related deaths were from cancers as a direct result of drinking. Alcohol deaths in Australia are around 5,500 per year, while other drugs combined account for around 1,865. When you start understanding the impact of booze and the stark comparisons between the facts, it really drops like a bombshell.
As my days creep up towards the 100 mark, I am sleeping better, coping better and enjoying being alive more. I don't have the dreaded 3am wake up, wondering what i said or did to someone? Wondering why my husband is sleeping in the couch and I'm in bed with my shoes still on? I don't have the sinking feeling in the pit of my tummy, when I start to remember the events of the night before,. The over sharing, the texts, the Instagram story of me being a messy bitch. For this alone, the fact that I don't drink has been worth it. I even did a camping trip recently without a drop of booze. At first it felt really weird, like there was something missing. I wondered if I would be miserable without the habitual campsite beers & wine. It blew my mind that I wanted to get out the tent and go an explore. We did beach walks, ocean swims and relaxed. All of which I would not have done before. Camping before meant one thing, and that was drinking until I passed out, only to start the process again the very next day. Beers at 10am? Yes ok, we are camping. Beach day today? yes ok, but only if I can drink. Dog walk? Yes, ok but lets take wine for when we get to our destination. The whole time, not enjoying anything as your constantly waiting for the appropriate time to get pissed.
I'm just about to hit 10 weeks off the booze and the positive changes are insane. I am inspired to keep going, mainly because I actually see that there is a life outside of booze. You just have to be brave enough to try it!
With love,
Sober Girl x
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