I have been battling varying types of addiction since my late teens. When I was younger I was the life & soul of the party, taking party prescriptions to excess. Truth be told, I never really cared for alcohol in my teenage years. I was 'class A all the way' right up until I made the move to Australia in 2013. I never really enjoyed the way alcohol made me feel. I hated loosing control and not having my wits about me, which is why I gravitated towards ecstasy and cocaine 99% of the time. I despised the taste of booze and the way I felt when drinking. I was always better on other things. Things that made me more alert and a bit random, so how did I end up here? Addicted to the stuff that used to make my stomach churn and almost always made me vomit? Keep reading and I will explain.
I had a bit of a rocky start in life, like many of us do. I can remember growing up in a dysfunctional family, with an alcoholic mother who literally destroyed herself throughout her lifetime through alcohol. I was around 9 years old when I went to live in Scotland with my dad and step mum who were convinced I would end up like my mum. I swear looking back now, this is why he was like a militant with me. Making me stand to attention if I answered back or gave him attitude over one of his many , many rules. Smacking me with rubber soled shoes for failing to keep in line with the 'regime' or grounding me for entire summer holidays and taking everything out of my room apart from books. Safe to say it was a living nightmare and I hated the way I was made to live. I could never understand why they were so tough on me? Surely they could see that the intense dictatorship way of life was actually making me worse? Encouraging me to rebel against them? Safe to say I despised it and as soon as they told me I was getting kicked out at the tender age of 16, I have to admit that I was happy!
As soon as I was kicked out of the family home, I felt an overwhelming sense of freedom. No more 'coming in when the street lights came on' or 'no drinking or going clubbing' I was free! I was loving it. Despite being in a homeless unit with lets say, some questionable types of people, I was my own boss, a one woman band and I had no one to tell me anything. That's when it all started. The pills, the clubs, the 'undesirables' the 3 day parties that became what was for the rest of my 20's. I could write an entire book on those days, but this blog isn't about those days, its about how I ended up here, and to paint a picture of now I must share what was then in order to pave the way for the reader. I didn't just wake up one day and think 'Oh yes, today is the day I become an alcoholic!' It crept up on me over time over the years. It replaced the 'sleeping is cheating' lifestyle and fit into the 'professional' lifestyle I had created. Maybe through this blog, I will explore some of the 'crazy drug days' to provide insight as to all my experience on this great green earth, although I warn you, the stories aren't for the faint hearted. For now, I will start at the beginning, when the alcohol moved in and I moved out.
My blog is going to be a living document as I begin my journey over the next 365 days. I will share the highs and lows, as I navigate towards a life of sobriety.
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